Saddened
by charlie-sjer
Summary: Sam has a boyfiend, and now the colonel has a girlfriend. (SJ eventually)
1. Saddened

Saddened

_Title :_ Saddened

_Author :_ Charlie Brown

_Email :_ charlie_girl_brown@hotmail.com

_Status :_ WIP

_Category :_ Sam/Jack (who else?!)

_Spoilers :_ Various up to mid S7

_Season info :_ Season 7, Chimera

_Sequel info :_ None

_Rating :_ PG

_Content Warnings :_ Language?

_Summery :_ Sam has a boyfiend, and now the colonel has a girlfriend.

_Disclaimer :_ Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.

_Archive:_ samandjack. My site. Anyone else who wants it, link to Note : For Trisha, thanks for the encouragement.

  


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Part One 

She was standing in the Colonel's back yard. She wasn't exactly sure how she had gotten there, but she wasn't alone. Daniel, Teal'c, Janet, the General and of course, Jack were there. There were also a few others around. People she recognized as members of the SGC. She was somehow aware that Cassie had been there earlier but had left to go to the movies with a friend a few hours ago. It was late in the afternoon, and it had been a pleasant day. She began to relax in her surroundings, dismissing her earlier disorientation - lately her mind had been wandering and she often misplaced a few minutes here and there. She had spoken to Janet about it and had been assured that it was just the stress of recent events catching up with her. She smiled to herself, happy at seeing her 'family' together. Jack caught her eye and smiled back. 

She had been worried that there relationship was becoming strained, afraid that their connection would be lost. Though it was no longer quite as strong as it had been - her current boyfriend being one of the many barriers between them - it was still there. Vaguely, she realised that she still held eye contact with her commanding officer, yet she didn't look elsewhere. It was he who broke their silent exchange, refocusing his attention on the sliding door that opened to reveal a middle aged woman that Sam didn't recognize. The stranger had shoulder length, light brown hair, a kind face and a warm smile which was directed at Colonel O'Neill. The woman approached the group and was welcomed by Jack's arm winding around her waist.

"You guys remember Annie, right?" The Colonel asked, and received various nods and yes's. She seemed to be the only one who didn't know this Annie. He seemed to notice her blank look and began to explain, "Annie and I are together, I introduced her to everyone a few weeks ago at O'Malley's. You couldn't make it." He raised his eyebrows slightly during the last sentence, suggesting he was being intentionally vague.

He was right, she had turned down his invitation to the bar as she had plans to spend time with Pete. He had said that she was welcome to bring him along, but it just hadn't felt right. Obviously the colonel didn't have the same qualms about including someone new into their close-knit group. Nor, it seemed, did he have a problem showing the woman ample amounts of affection in front of them all.

Anger welled up inside her; anger that she was yet to feel that comfortable with Pete, anger that no-one had thought to mention the fact that her CO had a new girlfriend, anger that he appeared to be moving on. What she had with Pete was nice, fun and most importantly - normal. Normalcy was something she had been craving and trying to achieve. Almost all of her previous relationships had been warped by one thing or another - Jonas's mental decay, the various forms of aliens that had vied for her affection, even the Ambassador - all those relationships, or even non-relationships had ended tragically.

So why was it that the Colonel having a girlfriend irked her so much? Hadn't she come to the conclusion that her 'infatuation' for lack of a better term, with him was merely a safety net and not really a substantial accumulation of … of feelings? Yes, she cared about him, but she also cared about Daniel and Teal'c.

Looking over at the besotted couple, she decided that it was time to leave. Making her apologies, she said goodbye to everyone, only to have her chest tighten when O'Neill barely acknowledged her departure. Had it been like this for him? To see her with someone else? She was saddened by the thought of having hurt him. She was saddened even further by the knowledge that she would most likely never know the answers to those questions. They did not talk about 'feelings'. Another barrier. A few more and they would no longer be able to reach one another.

Curling up in bed, not five minutes after arriving home, she drifted into an uneasy sleep. Still bothered by images of Jack and Annie. She woke up early, no more rested then when she had first laid her head on the pillow. Getting out of bed, she made her way into the shower, letting the warm water bring her to full consciousness. Once she was ready, she locked up and made her way to the mountain, determined to be as cheerful and supportive as the Colonel had been when finding out she had a boyfriend. However, seeing him looking so cheerful and happy waiting for the elevator, made her reserve falter. Still, she squared her shoulders and held her head up high. Joining him on his way down through to Stargate Command, she said good morning. He greeted her in kind and began humming. Suddenly she felt a pit growing in her stomach. She fought back the implications of the tuneless sound coming from his closed lips, but he continued to get louder. She had to get out of there. Jealousy and anger warred within her, and regardless of the victor, she would most likely lose her composure. Finally escaping, she headed for her lab to pull herself together. She had done it before - after the zatarc incident it had been somewhat easier to deal with. Knowing, at least to some extent, that your feelings are reciprocated tends to make it less painful. Resigning herself to the fact that he had moved on was proving much more difficult.

By the end of the day she could look at him without wanting to run away and hide. By the end of the week, she could even joke around with him. And by the end of two, they were even flirting. Whilst it hurt to think that things were over between them, before they had even began, she took comfort in the friendship that was reasserting itself. They were going to be okay. Things might not have worked out as she had once hoped, they were once again connected. And that's all that mattered.


	2. Invitations

Part Two 

It had been a month since she'd first met Annie. She couldn't believe how fast the time had gone. Then again, with their hectic mission schedule, it was not all that surprising. Since then she'd had the discomfort of meeting her twice more. The woman seemed very nice. Like the kind of woman who would quite happily play the role of housewife. She wasn't sure what it was that made her so uncomfortable, but she was desperately hoping and trying to convince herself that it had nothing to do with jealousy. And she was doing quite well - that is, until the Colonel suggested a double date. At first she had laughed at him, thinking he was joking, then, seeing his unamused expression, she realised he was serious and agreed out of contrition.

'Painful' was the only word she could use to describe how it had gone. As much as she was trying to, she just didn't get along with the Colonel's girlfriend - and she hated calling her that. They had absolutely nothing in common, and had very different views on some very major issues. Annie didn't think that the Air Force was a place for women. Annie had laughed at the possibility of the existence of aliens. Annie wasn't very fond of scientists. So you can see how Annie might get on Sam's nerves a little. She wondered how Jack felt about his girl… his partner's… his love - oh, definitely not going there - about Annie's opinions. She even dared to speculate that he may agree with two of the three. No prizes for guessing which.

Sighing, she attempted focussing on the task at hand - collecting soil samples - to no avail. As pleased as she was that her relationship with the colonel was growing stronger and healthier by the day, and as much of a comfort having a steady boyfriend was, she still wasn't happy. 'Content' and 'in control' were her imaginary father's words. She just couldn't seem to manage happy. If it were as simple as solving a scientific or mathematic equation, then she would have been happy a long time ago. She laughed as the voice of Jack O'Neill popped into her head; "Fun, plus fishing over downtime, equals happiness."

The equation appeared as a visual image in her head. On a scientific level it had no basis whatsoever, but it definitely made sense to her right at that moment. Maybe he would even invite her the next time he decided to head to Minnesota. Smiling, she continued to work.

As luck would have it, they were given a week and half's downtime after returning home. Plenty of time to go to the cabin. Sitting in her lab, after they had been given the pleasant news, she didn't have to wait long for the colonel to stop by. They chatted aimlessly for a few minutes before she directed the conversation to what his plans were for the next week. Her heart did a little flip flop when he said he was going to go fishing. She waited for him do drop the invitation in casually, but it soon became clear that it wasn't going to happen. Trying a different approach, she asked him who he intended dragging up there this time. Annoyance flared in her features when the name 'Annie' came out of his mouth. Without thinking, she blurted out, "You can't do that!"

His eyebrows rose to heights that Teal'c would be proud of. "And why is that?" he asked rather shortly.

All she could do in reply were fish impersonations. Looking at him, she could tell he wasn't going to let it go. "Well, I… you… we…" Composing herself she asked, "What about me? I thought I was next in line?" Her attempt at humor fell flat.

Shock was written clearly over his face. "You want to go fishing?" he asked skeptically. "With me - in Minnesota?"

She looked at him pleadingly, willing him to change his plans and invite her instead of Annie. "It would be nice."

"O-kay." He shook his head, as if to shake way the disbelief.

"Okay, as in; yes, I can come with you, or as in; okay, maybe next time?" 'Please say yes, please say yes.'

"I'll pick you up at 0600. Pack warmly." And with that he left.

'Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into?' she thought, as her head fell forward onto the work bench.


	3. Travelling

Part Three 

As it turned out, Jack arrived later than he had intended. She was somewhat grateful and, at the same time, annoyed. It had given her time to finish getting ready and give herself a pep talk, which eventually turned into her having second thoughts. 

They were going to his cabin. 

At one time, the invitations to his small part of Minnesota had been too dangerous to accept. It hadn't been about trusting him, as much as it had been about trusting herself. She wondered if her having a boyfriend really made any difference to that. She couldn't answer that question either way. She did, however, know that it was time to have a long talk with her CO regarding feelings. And that's what made this trip so damn scary. 

Her frazzled mind hadn't stop thinking for the first hour of the trip. Even then it had taken the colonel a good five minutes to draw her back to reality. A million scenarios had presented themselves to her for analyzing. Most of them were deemed too equivocal to occur, but there were a few that had her rather worried. Firstly, She was puzzled by his rather hasty decision to bring her instead of Annie. She was determined to find the reason for such a change. Perhaps he was going to tell her that they were engaged? That idea was quickly and ruthlessly quashed. They had barely been seeing each other for two months. She highly doubted that things had become that serious already. At least she sincerely hoped not. Unfortunately, it was at this point that her wonderful mind chose to remind her that it had taken less than three months for the colonel to fall into Laira's bed. After an internal debate she decided to leave the subject alone. While she hoped that it was only because he thought there was no chance of ever going to make it home, she also feared that it was simply because he has fallen in love with the woman. 

Eventually they stopped to eat. "Carter? Sam?" She vaguely heard her name being called. "Sam!" Her head jumped up, finally registering the voice. 

"Hmm" 

"We're stopping for breakfast." It was a statement, but it seemed to come out as more of a question and it was accompanied by a strange look. 

Little was said between the two as they made their way into the small roadside diner. They sat down and ordered their meals, neither knowing how to break the ice. It was quite ridiculous. After all, they were both adults and had known each other for over six and a half years. Surely it wasn't that hard to make small talk. Once upon a time it had been easy; friendly, flirtatious banter would be passed back and forth without a second thought. These days, those second thoughts seemed to quell any idle chatter that might spring to mind. Constant fears of whether the comment would be seen as inappropriate hindered conversation, and certain topics were off limits all together. How could one expect to maintain a friendship on these terms? They were going to have to sort out a way to deal with the 'thing' between them. Neither of them could completely move on until they had. 

Summoning a little bit of extra courage, Sam broached the question. "Why are you taking me on this trip?" 

Jack's head flew up in surprise and narrowed his eyes. He looked annoyed. "What do you mean; why am I taking you? You asked me to, that's why." 

Sam was a little taken back. "Well, I… I just meant that you were going to take Annie. Why are you taking me instead?" 

He sat quietly for so long that she thought he wasn't going to answer the question. "I didn't want any regrets." He looked at her with such a piercing gaze, that she had to lower her eyes to the table. "For crying out loud, you've said no so many times that I figured this was the only chance I was ever going to get. My cabin is where I take my family, and you're family, Carter." 

She bit her lower lip and continued to stare at the table, there was a particular scratch that was quite interesting. At least that's what her excuse was. She didn't know how to deal with his confession. On one hand it made her feel safe and loved. On the other it made her jealous. If he had intended to bring Annie up to the cabin, then it meant that his relationship with this new woman was deeper than she was willing to acknowledge. For crying out loud, she couldn't even call her his girlfriend. Talk about living in denial. Maybe she should say something…

Apparently she hesitated a moment too long because he was talking again. "Look, maybe this isn't such a good idea. We've only been on the road an hour. We should turn back. I'll take Annie, at least she'll talk to me!" he said in frustration. 

Sam looked at him in shock. Her eyes were wide with sadness and pleaded with him to change his mind. She opened her mouth to say something but all she could manage was a small strangled gasp. 

"Carter, if we can't manage a simple conversation here, then what the hell is it going to be like when were on our own. There aren't exactly any neighbours close by. Teal'c and Daniel aren't going to be there to hide behind." He sounded down right angry now. "Honestly, Major, I'm sick of this." 

Major? She was in trouble if he was calling her by her rank. This was meant to be a vacation. They were meant to be getting closer, not further apart. They had been getting closer, hadn't they? The last month had been great. They'd started fresh, both trying to move on. The awkwardness was gone, but at this very moment it seemed to be seeping it's way back in. 

Her lack of response was driving him crazy. "That's it, let's go." He ordered, standing up and leaving some money on the table to cover their breakfast. "We're going home. As soon as we get in the car we go back to ranks." he demanded. "You call me Colonel and I'll call you Major. It's obvious that we can't be friends, and I'm sick to death of wasting my time trying to pretend." 

She was shell-shocked, following his orders numbly. Tears stung the back of her eyes and her throat constricted. His words repeating over and over in her mind. She couldn't dismiss them, because she knew their truth. God, she'd been so busy trying to be happy, trying to make it all work, that she didn't realise just how false her 'new friendship' with him really was. Mimicking the old days didn't count for anything. You can't just ignore six years of history, it doesn't work that way. 

Turning on the ignition, the colonel shifted into gear and tore out of the car park. His rigid frame attesting to how angry he was. She didn't know what to do. Too afraid to open her mouth, for fear of breaking down, and scared to not say anything at all. Her perfect little world was falling apart, showing exactly how weak it had been in the first place. Her blissful ignorance was the cause and now she was paying the price. She was losing him, and this time there would be no last minute rescue, no sarcophagus or healing device that could bring him back to her. There was no machine she could build that would eradicate the distance between them. 


	4. One Good Reason

Part Four 

"Jack," she whispered, far too quietly for him to hear. He didn't even acknowledge her. Becoming bolder, she tried again, desperately hoping that her voice didn't sound as pathetic to him, as it sounded to her. "Jack," she was practically begging him. "Please…" she didn't know how to finish that sentence; please, don't take me home; please, don't shut me out; please, I need you to understand; she wasn't quite sure what she had wanted to say. 

She heard him sigh and turned to focus on his face. He looked tired. "Tell me why I shouldn't just take you home?" He was asking her in a tone that suggested he wanted a very, very good reason.

"I… I-I don't want to lose you." She stammered, scared witless at how vulnerable she was making herself. "I need you, as a friend," she took a deep breath, trying to clam herself before continuing. "And I need you as more than just a friend."

It was out. And surprisingly, instead of feeling exposed and unprotected, she felt oddly relieved. While not quite a declaration of love, it was enough to let him know she still had feelings for him. As cathartic as it was to admit it, she still needed to retain some defense against any hurt he could inflict on her.

Jack opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again and pulled over to the side of the road. "You realise that if we continue this conversation, there's no going back. If you're serious about this, I mean really serious, then I'll turn around and take you to the cabin. Just say the words. But, Sam, only if you really want this. You know what's at stake as well as I do. As much as I don't like the idea of lying to our friends and to General Hammond, we can't tell anyone."

Letting the information sink in, she debated the options.

One, she could tell him to take her home and they would become no more than work colleagues.

Two, she could tell him she needed more time to think it over, but she doubted he would be happy with that response.

And thirdly, well, thirdly, she decided was the only option she would be happy with. "Take me fishing, Jack."


End file.
